If anyone gets a message from me about canned meat don't open it. It's spam.

Did you hear about the restaurant on the moon? Great food, no atmosphere...

Never take a shower when there is a Pokemon around. He might Pikachu.

If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?

Life lesson: Never do anything you don't want to explain to the paramedics.

My favorite machine at the gym is the vending machine.

And if a frog had wings, he wouldn't bump his ass

I hope I’m the last guy on earth — I wanna see if all those women were lying to me.

Earlier this morning, I was invited to join an XXX lounge group. I was somewhat intrigued until I realized it was a group for guys who like to wear really really big shirts.

One bling given. Who's next ?????

Can you imagine how sexy I'd be if I ate right and took care of my body... I'm not going to, but can you imagine

Been single so long. I just got turned on licking a postage stamp !

Glasses make you look smart, but you have to fail an exam to get them.

The institutions won't take me so I am all yours.

Don't you just a hate it when you stumble into bed drunk only to be nagged by someone screaming "Get out" or "You live next door!"

I sent that "Ancestry " site some information on my family tree. They sent me back a packet of seeds and suggested that I just start over

Time to clean my family list. Who stays, who goes, and who enters ????? decisions decisions!

cast's are off.! still alot of healing left to do.

Soooo bored !

Touch it gently, put 2 fingers inside, if it’s wide use 3 fingers, make sure it’s wet and rub up and down. Yep that’s how you wash a cup.